Gaslighting is a serious form of manipulation that can have detrimental effects. Recently, the term "gaslighting" has become a bit of a buzzword, thrown around frequently in the media with varying degrees of legitimacy.
For example, I’m a huge Bachelor fan (trashy TV, I know), and every time the cast gets into arguments with each other, the fans accuse both of gaslighting the other. This can make it quite challenging to know what gaslighting is, and what it isn’t.
According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, gaslighting is best defined as “an extremely effective form of emotional abuse that causes a victim to question their feelings, instincts, or sanity.” Gaslighting can occur with any trusted individual, including friends, family, loved ones, and significant others.
A lesser-known form of gaslighting is committed by healthcare professionals—physicians and experts within the medical community. Because these individuals are generally considered authority figures and experts in their field, medical gaslighting can be especially harmful to patients, putting them at risk of reaping serious health consequences through no fault of their own.
Keep reading to learn more about medical gaslighting and how it can affect survivors of pediatric voiding cystourethrogram procedures (VCUGs).
How Do Doctors Gaslight Patients in Healthcare?
Medical gaslighting occurs when healthcare providers dismiss or invalidate a patient’s concerns, symptoms, or experiences. This can lead individuals to doubt their own perceptions and feel like they’re overreacting, exaggerating their pain, or being overly anxious.
In many cases, doctors can gaslight patients by attributing symptoms to psychological causes without thoroughly investigating potential underlying physical conditions, or vice versa—a foundational issue that has perpetuated generational trauma and deprived patients of the trauma-informed care they to fully heal their bodies. In this way, medical gaslighting can lead to more than improper diagnoses; it can also result in drugs and treatments that are ineffective or even fatal.
Medical gaslighting disproportionately affects women, BIPOC, geriatric patients, LGBTQ individuals, and individuals with disabilities, chronic illnesses, and mental health conditions. These marginalized groups are less likely to be taken seriously, to be diagnosed properly, and have to wait longer for a diagnosis.
VCUGs cause severe trauma and serious health issues in children that doctors refuse to talk about. Visit our blog to learn the REAL risks of pediatric VCUGs.
Effects of Medical Gaslighting
The consequences of medical gaslighting can be significant. Patients may delay seeking further medical help, leading to their condition worsening due to a lack of appropriate treatment. Not only can this contribute to the patient’s physical pain level, but it can result in harmful psychological effects as well, such as emotional distress, self-doubt, and a loss of trust in healthcare providers.
Open communication, mutual respect, and shared decision-making are essential to any functional doctor-patient relationship. If you feel like your concerns are being dismissed or invalidated, it’s imperative to seek a second opinion from a provider with whom you feel comfortable and respected. There’s no shame in experiencing fear or doubt after gaslighting. If you struggle to advocate for yourself, consider taking a friend or loved one with you to appointments to prioritize your best interests and speak up when needed.
Medical Gaslighting After VCUG Trauma
In the case of VCUGs, doctors and other medical staff frequently dismiss our trauma as “necessary.” Many argue that we have no right to be upset simply because the so-called procedure was well-intentioned or a means of “helping” us. They tell us that the trauma isn't real—that people go through invasive medical procedures all the time, and turn out just fine. These dismissive and callous remarks made toward VCUG survivors by the medical community are prime examples are medical gaslighting.
It's been proven time and time again that VCUGs cause severe distress and irreparable psychological trauma. Anyone who says otherwise is incorrect, as they are contradicting a wealth of research and studies dating back to the 1990s.
Like many other survivors, I’ve been gaslit extensively by medical professionals who convinced me I was crazy for feeling this way. Not only did we suffer at the hands of doctors, but the same doctors turned around to invalidate our experience and convince us that we are the liars—that we are the ones making it up.
For the sake of our health, sanity, and trauma recovery after VCUG, it’s crucial for VCUG trauma survivors to know and recognize warning signs of medical gaslighting, as this can help them defend against unfair psychological abuse and manipulation by doctors that choose to do harm instead of good. Below is a comprehensive guide for fellow survivors on how to recognize medical gaslighting, advocate for yourself, and liberate yourself to truly heal.
6 Red Flags of Medical Gaslighting
While medical gaslighting can take many forms, there are some definite telltale signs of it, including (but not limited to):
Your provider continually interrupts you, doesn't allow you to elaborate, and doesn't appear to be an engaged listener
Your provider minimizes or downplays your symptoms, such as questioning your symptoms or pain level
Your provider refuses to discuss your symptoms
Your provider will not order key imaging or lab work to rule out or confirm a diagnosis
You feel that your provider is being rude, condescending, or belittling
Your symptoms are blamed on mental illness, but you are not provided with a mental health referral or screened for such an illness.
How to Advocate for Yourself After Medical Trauma
There are healthy precautions that traumatized or gaslit patients can take to safeguard their health and well-being during medical appointments, including:
Keeping detailed records of all medical visits, tests, symptoms, family history, and other crucial information. Be sure to have important information on hand at every appointment, even if the visit seems unrelated. Do not allow the medical professional to take any files or records from you. If you feel like the provider is dismissing your concerns or unwilling to provide appropriate treatment, firmly request that they document that they are refusing to help you in your chart. Make sure you request a copy for yourself before leaving the facility.
Asking questions! Write down your questions ahead of time and ask them all, no matter how long it takes. Remember, you're there to pay for and receive a service, and have every right to walk away with all the answers you came to seek. Medical professionals should make a diligent effort to address your concerns, not rush you out of the office or shrug off your questions. If your doctor isn't responding to your questions, keep asking until they do. That is YOUR right and THEIR responsibility.
Inviting a trusted “emotional support human” to accompany you. Now that COVID-19 restrictions are lifted, most medical offices allow patients to bring a guest with them to appointments. Consider asking a trusted individual with you (parent, friend, spouse, etc.) and discuss with them beforehand your plan to advocate for yourself and all questions you want to ask. Be specific about what you want the support person to do (take notes; ask questions; watch out for red flags; call out dismissive behaviors; clarify vague information; provide physical comfort vs. emotional support, etc.). If applicable, don’t hesitate to communicate when you may want them to leave the room as well, such as if you’re uncomfortable sharing certain personal information with them present.
Practicing what you are going to say beforehand. You may find it helpful to focus on your most pressing issue. Bring a notepad and jot down bullet points that outline the reason for your visit so you can communicate more effectively and leave out unimportant details.
Communicating to your provider what you are looking to get out of the appointment. Let them know what you’re looking for you looking for, whether that’s a diagnosis, diagnostic test, treatment options, referral, recommendation, etc.
Recovery & Healing After Medical Gaslighting
Remember, you are the only expert on your body. You live every day and night with your body. You know what is going on, and when something is wrong. If you feel like something is wrong that requires medical attention, you deserve a provider who will listen to you, address your concerns seriously, and work with you to find a solution.
Consider these helpful tips to recover from medical gaslighting:
Distance yourself from the gaslighter. If you suspect that your provider is gaslighting you, take steps to find a new provider. I have found that it helps to ask for "trauma-informed providers" while making an appointment, not all will be great but it will increase the chances of finding an understanding provider. If you are unable to find a new provider, take the steps above to advocate for yourself and minimize the gaslighting.
Remain confident in your version of events. Gaslighters WANT you to doubt your reality, if you suspect someone is gaslighting you, do not believe a word they say and stand by your version of events (which is most likely the true version of events). Everybody forgets little details, especially in moments of stress or reminders of past trauma. Even if you can’t remember exactly what outfit you wore or what you ate for lunch on a given day, remember that numerous studies have repeatedly proven that the brain—yes, even children’s brains—rarely fabricate whole memories. If you remember something clearly, guess what? It probably happened. Don’t let anyone or anything convince you that your experiences and feelings are “wrong” or invalid. (They’re not.)
Take time for yourself and engage with people who are positive influences on your life. Invest in forms of self-care (take a long shower, do deep breathing, book a spa day, do your favorite activities) and spend time with your loved ones who stand by your version of events. This is your tribe.
Incorporate positive talk into your daily life. I like to do this when I wake up in the morning and before I go to sleep (usually while I am brushing my teeth). Some examples: I have a good memory, and I am capable of remembering events. I am a good person, and no one can convince me otherwise. I am confident in myself. I know what happened to me, and no one can dismiss how I feel. Even if you don't believe it while you’re saying or thinking it (I don’t always believe them either, but if you say it enough, you can start to), keep at it. The mental health payoff is more than worth it.
Keep a journal with your thoughts and events in your life. Not only will this help you stay confident in your ability to remember things, but it will give you a safe place to share your feelings without anyone knowing. If you are worried about someone reading the journal, hide it in a safe place or keep it in your bag at all times. You can also develop keywords to conceal information you do not want others to know. For example, replacing your activity with another, such as replacing an idea with a more inconspicuous term (like reading or hiking).
Seek professional support. If possible, find a therapist who specializes in trauma and gaslighting. Good counselors will go at your pace and allow you to slowly build trust. There are online therapists (if you are not in a place to go into the office) that can help you recover from your trauma.
Join Other VCUG Survivors in #LivingUnsilenced
Unfortunately, VCUG survivors are often victims of gaslighting, whether it be from parents, loved ones, friends, or medical professionals. Learning to recognize the signs of medical gaslighting can help you get “unstuck” from the situation faster while keeping potential damage to a minimum, empowering you to start your recovery and take back control of your life.
If you know in your heart that the VCUG traumatized you, then that is your truth and no one, not even a close relative or partner, should convince you otherwise. Our Unsilenced Community was built by courageous VCUG survivors who decided it was time to #LiveUnsilenced. Join us in the fight for overdue reform in pediatric urology. Because kids deserve better.
If you’re a VCUG survivor, you’re not alone. Take your healing to the next level by connecting with fellow survivors in our online support group.
Any VCUG survivor who has read the words "minimally invasive", "painless", and "low risk"😠 Any parent lead to believe their child's VCUG would be no big deal. Any parent told sedation was not warranted. That their child would not remember. That children only cry because they don't like being restrained...