VCUG trauma is a lifelong issue for many patients. However, whether or not the patient understands the root of their hardships is another story.
Many children retain memories of their VCUG(s) to some extent as they mature. Other patients may rely on their parents to fill in the blanks over time. This is especially common if the child was diagnosed and treated for vesicoureteral reflux (VUR).
Unfortunately, we have no way of knowing how many former patients are still in the dark about VCUG trauma due to dissociative amnesia, a type of dissociative disorder characterized by retrospectively reported memory gaps triggered by extreme traumatic stress.
In this blog, we’ll review signs of dissociative amnesia after VCUG and explore its implications on a patient’s long-term health and quality of life.
What Is Dissociative Amnesia?
Unlike generalized amnesia that affects large chunks of our memory (continuous), dissociative amnesia prevents the recall of specific events or parts of a traumatic event (selective). Early childhood trauma is a primary cause of dissociative amnesia as the brain unconsciously “blocks” traumatic memories. This biological response is a coping mechanism triggered by profound psychological distress and abuse.
Why Does Dissociative Amnesia Occur?
During traumatic events, the brain processes sensory information differently, leading to changes in brain chemistry. The stress response specifically impacts the hippocampus—the part of the brain responsible for forming, storing, and recalling memories. Despite its inherently protective purpose, dissociative amnesia can separate survivors from crucial knowledge they need to heal. It frequently co-occurs with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and personality disorders.
What Does Dissociative Amnesia Feel Like After VCUG?
It depends on the individual’s unique experience. Many children remember their VCUG as a vague nightmare, while others may forget the experience altogether.
For children with dissociative amnesia, the harmful effects of VCUG trauma will often manifest in unexplainable ways until the traumatic memory is identified and resolved. This puts patients in the impossible position of discovering past trauma that their young brains rejected.
Moreover, it can leave them wrestling with feelings of self-blame, guilt, confusion, and defectiveness that significantly impact their quality of life.
10 Signs of Dissociative Amnesia After VCUG Trauma
Here are 10 signs that patients experience after “blocking out” some or all of their VCUG experience:
Dissociation during similar life events. If you find yourself constantly dissociated at doctor’s visits, while using public restrooms, or while participating in performances or events that require you to be in the spotlight, you may have repressed VCUG trauma.
Chronic avoidance of medical care. Do you routinely avoid healthcare treatment unless absolutely necessary? Do you experience strong feelings of fear, anger, or emotional “numbness” while interacting with medical professionals in any capacity? Do you find it difficult to continue your day after a doctor’s visit? If you’re unsure of the cause, you may have VCUG trauma.
Unexplained triggers. Do you experience overwhelming bodily responses to seemingly normal events (e.g., getting dressed, using fitting rooms, using public restrooms, watching films or shows with medical scenes, etc.)? This could be a sign of triggers stemming from VCUG trauma.
Out-of-body experiences. Do you experience depersonalization or derealization in medical or public settings? Do you observe certain events from above or beside your body? Are there times when your body doesn't feel like yours? These are common indications of sexual trauma.
You engage in self-injurious behaviors. Many survivors engage in self-harm in an effort to regain control over their bodies, stop bodily sensations, or regulate their emotions. Identifying and processing the repressed traumatic memory is an essential step to free yourself from these negative thought patterns and “reset” your nervous system.
Trust and intimacy issues. Do you struggle to trust romantic partners or enjoy consensual sex? Do you experience emotional flashbacks while attempting to engage in intimacy? Do you find it difficult to be physically or emotionally vulnerable around people you care about? If so, this could be a sign of past sexual trauma.
Difficulties relaxing and practicing mindfulness. It can be incredibly challenging to feel at home in your body after sexual trauma. If you find yourself struggling to participate in breathing exercises, mindfulness activities, yoga, or similar practices, this could be related to VCUG trauma.
You often feel sexually violated. Individuals with PTSD often relive the physical and emotional sensations of the traumatic event in flashbacks until it can be processed into long-term memory. If you find yourself feeling sexually violated during flashbacks, at doctors’ visits, or even during/after consensual sex, this could be a sign of repressed trauma.
You experience child sexual abuse symptoms. Do you feel empathy toward child sexual abuse survivors? Do certain elements of CSA experiences resonate with you for an unknown reason? Many former patients suspect being sexually abused by a friend or family member before learning about VCUG trauma. If you have experienced CSA symptoms without a clear memory of the event, you may have VCUG trauma.
Strained family dynamics. Do you feel like the “black sheep” or “problem kid” in your family? Did you struggle to feel or appear “normal” as a child? Did you experience strained relationships with parents, siblings, or relatives without a clear explanation? This could be a sign of unresolved trauma.
Join the Unsilenced Movement
Experiencing the painful effects of trauma without knowing the cause can be excruciating, but you’re not alone. Whether you’re already years into your healing journey or coming to terms with VCUG trauma for the first time, the Unsilenced Movement is here to support you at every step.
Since 2023, our grassroots organization has provided free monthly support groups, moderated online forums, and advocacy opportunities to help survivors take back their voices after life-altering sexual and medical trauma. Our community is a safe space to put down your burdens and make your voice heard.
Healing from VCUG trauma? Visit our website to connect with fellow survivors and take the first step toward healing. #MoreThanATest
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