Processing Anger as a VCUG Survivor

As VCUG survivors, processing anger is usually a crucial component of the healing process. Many patients are left alone to navigate the life-altering effects of their procedures, often with zero support from friends, family, and medical personnel. This is largely due to the longstanding silence around the well-documented child sexual abuse (CSA) symptoms resulting from VCUGs (Goodman et. al, 1990).

As of 2025, the debilitating sexual and medical trauma resulting from pediatric VCUGs is well-established in the literature. However, understanding how to heal can be a long and painstaking process due to the complex nature of VCUGs.

In this blog, we review the systemic problem of VCUG trauma and shed light on processing anger during the recovery process.

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Who Is Responsible for Perpetuating VCUG Trauma?

 Whether you always knew about your VCUG or developed dissociative amnesia as a result, many former patients must process debilitating anger at some point during their healing journey. However, it can be incredibly challenging to understand who we, as survivors, are angry at.

VCUG trauma is a systemic global issue with complex relational, intrapersonal, interpersonal, and familial impacts. The fallout of VCUG trauma isn’t limited to direct health effects (chronic avoidance of medical care, complex PTSD, self-injurious behaviors, etc.), but also affects how we navigate our families, relationships, careers, social situations, and the world around us.  

Who Am I Angry At as a VCUG Survivor?

In my personal healing journey, recovering my repressed VCUG memory gave me the freedom to stop being angry at myself. Throughout my life, I carried the blame for all the adverse effects I suffered—all the ways I felt defective, ashamed, and broken. My social awkwardness was my fault; my fear of intimacy was my fault; the body I hated was my fault.

However, understanding that I wasn't truly to blame for all this created a new problem to solve: who was I angry at?

The answer to this question is unique to every survivor. I have no doubt the answer may change at different stages of our healing journeys, and the unique lives we have led as a direct result of VCUG trauma.

Anger at Parents

Although decades had passed since my VCUG, it took me over a year to process the anger I felt toward my parents. This wasn’t limited to the test itself, but everything that followed—all the missed signs of PTSD, child sexual abuse, self-harm, suicidality, and academic hardships; all the missed opportunities to ask if I was OK, how I was feeling, or what I needed.

Even as adults, and even if we acknowledge that our parents did the best they could, it can still be difficult to forgive the role they played in our lifelong hardships—not simply for failing to stop the procedure, but for how they may have handled the aftermath. While I do not blame my parents for my VCUG, I did need time and space to process my anger toward them in a healthy way. This allowed me to move forward from my anger and grieve the loss of the childhood I never had.

Anger at Pediatricians/Referring Providers

As survivors, our anger at pediatricians and referring physicians is justified. VCUGs are widely over-performed and often ordered without medical necessity, leaving many healthy children to suffer the lifelong effects of medical and sexual trauma. Pediatricians and other providers are less likely to adhere to VUR/VCUG guidelines than urologists and nephrologists (Jacobson DL et. al, 2019). An anonymous survey revealed that 70% of practitioners referred patients too early or too late, and only 40% of pediatricians adhered to AUA standards regarding the performance of a female genitourinary exam (Stewart CA et. al, 2023).

Anger at VCUG Conductors

As the party that actually carried out the test, VCUG conductors often live rent-free in survivors’ heads—whether in recurring nightmares, PSTD flashbacks, or in painful memories during future medical visits. These professionals are typically responsible for separating the child from their parents, holding their legs down to proceed with genital penetration, and physically restraining patients who resist, complain of pain, or beg to stop the procedure. Many survivors do not remember VCUG conductors as medical professionals acting in their best interests, but as violent sexual assaulters through the child’s eye.

Anger at the Medical Community

VCUG trauma often derails our trust in all healthcare providers, not just the urologist or pediatrician we had in childhood. It can be difficult to process our anger toward the medical community as a whole, especially when the well-evidenced harm of VCUGs has been swept under the rug by healthcare professionals since the 1960s.

VCUG trauma isn’t limited to the United States, but is a global issue. The Unsilenced Movement has connected with survivors in the UK, Canada, China, India, Japan, Australia, South Africa, Brazil, Germany, Finland, Ireland, Russia, New Zealand, and many other countries—all of which serve to highlight VCUG trauma as an international problem. 

Since 2023, our grassroots organization has issued a call to action for the medical community to acknowledge the harm caused by VCUG trauma and take accountability for reform and awareness.

“As adults, they cannot simply rid themselves of what they knew as children. Though it may remain unconscious, that knowledge will dictate their behavior, will determine how they respond to new experiences and ideas.” –Alice Miller

Anger Is Just Grief in a Heavy Coat

Processing anger after VCUG trauma can be debilitating and isolating, but you’re not alone. Here’s a quote for your healing journey:

“And when I turned to face grief, I saw that it was just love in a heavy coat.” –Shannon Barry

There is no wrong or right way to heal from VCUG trauma. No matter who you’re angry at or how long you feel angry for, your feelings are valid. It’s okay to give yourself grace, patience, and time to heal. Processing emotions from early childhood can be a fatiguing and time-consuming process, but is a necessary step toward recovery.

Swiss psychologist Alice Miller says: “The truth about our childhood is stored up in our body, and although we can repress it, we can never alter it. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings manipulated, and conceptions confused, and our body tricked with medication. But someday our body will present its bill, for it is as incorruptible as a child, who, still whole in spirit, will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting us until we stop evading the truth.”

You’re Not Alone

“Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head-on.” –Alice Miller

The Unsilenced Movement is dedicated to empowering survivors to recover their voices after VCUG trauma. No matter what that looks like for you, our community is here to offer support and connection with likeminded individuals. We have a deep understanding of the personal and sensitive nature of each person's unique path to healing, which is why we strive to meet every survivor where they are in their recovery journey. Whether you prefer the anonymity of a private online platform or face-to-face connections in our virtual support groups, we offer a wider range of resources to help you take the first step toward healing.

Healing from VCUG trauma? You’re not alone. Visit our website to register for a support group, explore fact-checked VCUG research, or learn more in our blog.